UK Prime Minister, David Cameron, has devised a brilliant scheme to solve Britain's chronic $1.3 trillion debt crisis. He plans to sell the HRH Royal Family Brand to the highest bidder and apply the proceeds to reduce the UK's massive debt - incurred to bail out the City of London 2008/09 losses - underwritten by British Taxpayers, amounting to the whole of National Debt.
"World Class financial consultants, Hedge Funds and Bankers in The City and on Wall Street have valued the Royal Windsor Brand Name at a starting bid price of $1 trillion. We are confident of receiving bids from several Sovereign Funds in the Middle East, The Americas, Russia, China and other major world blocs - as well as from Limited Liability Partnerships tax free consortia comprising individual members of the international super-rich - the Masters of the Universe."
In preparation for the Biggest Brand Name Sale in History - the HRH Brand Name and all associated Intellectual Property Rights, on advice from Formula One owner, Bernie Ecclestone, will first be "sold" nod-nod wink-wink - at a knock down price of $5 to a UK Government "Trust" set up in Lichtenstein, which in turn will be the seller of the Windsor Packaged Assets - for tax purposes. David Cameron said "This scheme is quite normal, based on sound commercial tax-avoidance and is of course all perfectly legal". He added - "The UK leads the world in embracing the Free Market economic philosophy. My government welcomes and needs such Inward Investment. We are selling everything we can lay our hands on. Today Astra-Zeneca - tomorrow The Windsors"
Global independent Brand-Name and Logo advisers affirm The Prime Minister's view that HRH Great Britain Inc will be a highly profitable asset, particularly when broken up into family households and exploited by Media Empires across the world. David Cameron will be the CEO and a major shareholder in the offshore HRH Holding Company. He promises "There will be no forced redundancies and the interests of the great British Public will be strongly protected. But we won't, of course, commit to any of this contractually."
Auction details will be announced shortly and serious bidders will be able to view the sale property - only by Royal Appointment.
Queen Elizabeth the Second said, "We are not amused. But I suppose we will have to comply - for the sake of our 72 million Subjects".