Thursday, 23 October 2014


Pre-Westminster, pupating MPs and Lords
A KWIK BUCK - You may have heard that UK medics - general practitioners (GPs) who are often the first port of call for ill people - are to be paid by the British government £55 for every patient they diagnose to be suffering from Alzheimer's. 

There was a similar UK program to counter tooth decay, back in the 1950's. The then government in its infinite wisdom (clever pun there) paid dentists 2s/6d or half-a-crown (another pun), for every tooth they drilled and filled with metal amalgam. The immediate result was that hundreds of dentists rushed from overseas to the UK, set up practice and embarked on industrial scale (pun three) drilling and filling - to fill their bank accounts. Britain got the infamous "Australian Trench" - when the young antipodean dentists heard the call, flooded into the UK and drilled their way to untold wealth. The whole of my generation - youngsters and teenagers - were saved from potential agonizing tooth decay - by the simple act of the dentist drilling out every molar (the double teeth) in our heads - upper and lower; irrespective of need or condition - and pouring in liquid metal; irrespective of the possible poisonous metallic side effects - unwanted radio signals and irreversible damage to perfectly healthy teeth.

I won't bother to count the molars in an average head, but there are about a dozen that can be hollowed out and the pulp cast away. That's 12 times half-a-crown (a pre-decimalization coin of which there were 8 in one Pound sterling) - so the average mouth yielded an effortless £1.50 and theoretically saved the National Health Service millions on not having to supply false teeth when the teenagers aged. £1.50 in those far off times was a day's pay. An expert in Australian Trenches could do 15 hapless patients a day - making 15 times the average pay rate. They got rich - and the British got amalgam - which later loosened and had to be bored out and re-cemented. 

Thus may it be with The Alzheimer's premium. £55 quid for spotting a demented Brit is good money for medics. 10 a day - £550 or $825 a day - as an aside to their normal income - will be a Nice Little Earner, a good bonus. The quickest GPs will instantly realize that in just two large House in Westminster in the heart of London are  corralled 1,438 almost certainly demented elders - and very elderly persons - who could be listed in a day - or a week at most - and the medical bonus claim staked. £55 x 1,438 MPs and Lords (and Ladies) yields a quick £79,090 or $118,635. Just in time for Christmas. 

One of the key questions that will baffle the befuddled and fox the feeble-minded is "Who is the Prime Minister and What are his or her policies?" 

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